The awkwardness of the steering
wheel presses against thighs
as if to balance the round world
between my legs. You were shy smiles
and lowered eyes and I, in the brave
cover of darkness, looked at you longer
when you were looking away.
We were riding crashing waves,
horses stomping though shoreline,
sand left upturned,
and it was no secret
I liked your hand on my knee.
Windows slowly mist with
the heat of conversation,
tongues slip fast over sermons.
At some point we forgot how to breathe.
We were already removed from the pack,
paired off, claimed.
There was no future
on that downtown street,
Only moment, only want,
and the knowledge of your
middle name meant
everything to me.
I want to feel that again
the surge of emotion,
a force of transcendence,
I grew past parked cars in empty lots.
Arms no longer tempt, only secure,
hold down, hold back.
I may have stopped curling my toes for you
but there is still a rip torn into lifeline.
A memory healed over,
but a scar remains.
To be child again,
to bleed abandon and
release quickening howl,
in your car, enraptured
all over you.
“In your car at 4 am on a Thursday night” is previously published in Bombfire Literary Magazine (2021).