Scar

Katrina Kaye

All his ticks are back,
the twitch in his left eye,
the flinch from chest to wrist.

He says he just needed a little bit of you,
is that ok?
— just a little bit.

He shifts his eyes across hardwood,
crosses weathered arms,
letting storm beat spine.

You let him rest his head,
place a hand against closed eye,
to sooth the tremble.

He says he’s sorry,
he just couldn’t go through
another night of drinking alone.

He says he has nowhere else to go.

Watching the cracks of him swell,
you’re reminded of his nightmares,
of the only other time you saw him cry.
Two in the morning on a Tuesday
when he confessed his sins.

He didn’t cry when you left.

You cradle him through his downpour.
You invite him to stay,
offer coffee,
an ear,
what else can you give.

You tell him he doesn’t have to go.

He puts on a strange half grin
wraps back around you,
burying his head in undone hair.

You soak up this unending stream
that has flooded living room
with tissued touch and whispered hush.

He holds you
with so much strength
your bones might snap.

He whispers, “you,”
whispers “girl,”
your name,
calls you “angel.”

He hangs his head,
turns to the door,
tells you
he loves you
still.

Wrecked for rest,
you watch him leave you alone.
With empty hands you lock
the door behind him.

Surround by sudden silence,
you do the only thing you can think.
Put water on to boil for a bath,
find a cigarette butt
spoiled from another man’s lips.

Take two drags,
the only two that remain,
and crush the rest out on your thigh.

“Scar” is previously published in Scissortail Quarterly (2020).

Lifeboat

Katrina Kaye

The first time,

I held death in the salt water of lung
hopeful to be pulled on raft and have
air pressed into chest.

The second time, I pushed
under the water.

I let go knowing full well there was
no point in waiting for a kind hand.

I will not give anyone the
the satisfaction to mourn my death,

not when I can still
keep head above water.

I may have been made
a fool for carrying crosses,
but I earned them.

They keep me afloat.

and these storms leave
such peace in their wake.

“Lifeboat” is previously published in Chasing Rabbits (2012).

Some of Us

Katrina Kaye

On this Saturday night, some of us have
curled our toes in sand, tried to catch flies
with chopsticks, counted stars. Some of us
have found some form of peace,

but we never really learned the fine balance
of precious words on a sober tongue,
or the reprieve offered by sunset
and a breath pulled into lower belly.

Some of us drink faster than others,
some of us have mango bodies that slurp quick fire,
with spread lips to laugh or fang,
erupting throats to sing or scream.

Some of us clean the wax that drools from lips,
chatter like keyboards, unravel our ribbons,
trade jokes with the dead and pluck the frayed pages
of written confessions out of the fire pit.

The last time we were here,
I read Revelations from the Bible
in the hotel nightstand with preacher precision.

I rattled on about the end of the world
in a quick cadence to distant drumbeats
played for strange faces and arched eyebrows.

The past we longed to forget
waits for us to reenact its misdeeds.

The present we longed to ignore
perches on our shoulder blades.

Some of us got drunk, while others
found their way to tightly wrapped
bed and others paced like anxious dogs,
unstoppable, urgent, ready for war and revolution.

The future we hope to avoid
bides time on the other side of tonight.
Some of us may wake up to it in the morning
and forget how we desperate we were for the end of the world.

 

“Drunk in a Hotel Room” is previously published in Dear Booze (2022).