Scar

Katrina Kaye

All his ticks are back,
the twitch in his left eye,
the flinch from chest to wrist.

He says he just needed a little bit of you,
is that ok?
— just a little bit.

He shifts his eyes across hardwood,
crosses weathered arms,
letting storm beat spine.

You let him rest his head,
place a hand against closed eye,
to sooth the tremble.

He says he’s sorry,
he just couldn’t go through
another night of drinking alone.

He says he has nowhere else to go.

Watching the cracks of him swell,
you’re reminded of his nightmares,
of the only other time you saw him cry.
Two in the morning on a Tuesday
when he confessed his sins.

He didn’t cry when you left.

You cradle him through his downpour.
You invite him to stay,
offer coffee,
an ear,
what else can you give.

You tell him he doesn’t have to go.

He puts on a strange half grin
wraps back around you,
burying his head in undone hair.

You soak up this unending stream
that has flooded living room
with tissued touch and whispered hush.

He holds you
with so much strength
your bones might snap.

He whispers, “you,”
whispers “girl,”
your name,
calls you “angel.”

He hangs his head,
turns to the door,
tells you
he loves you
still.

Wrecked for rest,
you watch him leave you alone.
With empty hands you lock
the door behind him.

Surround by sudden silence,
you do the only thing you can think.
Put water on to boil for a bath,
find a cigarette butt
spoiled from another man’s lips.

Take two drags,
the only two that remain,
and crush the rest out on your thigh.

“Scar” is previously published in Scissortail Quarterly (2020).

Lifeboat

Katrina Kaye

The first time,

I held death in the salt water of lung
hopeful to be pulled on raft and have
air pressed into chest.

The second time, I pushed
under the water.

I let go knowing full well there was
no point in waiting for a kind hand.

I will not give anyone the
the satisfaction to mourn my death,

not when I can still
keep head above water.

I may have been made
a fool for carrying crosses,
but I earned them.

They keep me afloat.

and these storms leave
such peace in their wake.

“Lifeboat” is previously published in Chasing Rabbits (2012).

Muse

Katrina Kaye

She returns as shards
of glass in heel
hindering escape.

She takes the breath
from my mouth
and blows it back
in my face.

She makes my
eyes sting.

She whittled words
into my skin
and left me there
to scratch at the scabs
till they scarred
in the shape of tin can,
brown boots, bad luck,

a promise made and then
unwoven like a web
on a cracked window.

I am not sorry
I took her home
that first night.

The way she
enveloped every
part of me,
the way she
recklessed through
my unconscious

filling the empty
inside my chest,
rekindling a spark
that had long
gone to ash.

I know now,
despite the years
since I have felt
fed and full,
she stayed close
waiting for the time
when I was brave
enough to call on
her again.