Andromache

Katrina Kaye

I was not made of metal
but there was iron in my hold.

It took a tamer of horses,
but once bridled,
I absorbed my part
like husband’s body.

I dressed him,
helmet and breast plate,
securing sword and shield
with a kiss too genuine and devout
to be any less than natural wife.

A woman of battlement,
I never pleaded the gods for his return,
I demanded it.

I waited for him,
patient in bed chamber,
silently sewing white to purple,
knowing once echoing screams subdued
and red sun subsided,
he would need me
to sooth dirt from face and eyes,
tend split scabs, bandage newly broken skin.

I was tenderness
to a tyrannical time.

But not all husbands
return from battle.
Front doors receive knocks
instead of familiar sways,
armor remains on front line,
flags are folded and delivered.

The last sensation I felt
was husband ripped from arms.

Resonating through me
was the tangle of limbs
dangling from Achilles’ chariot,
skin scraping from face in laps
around Trojan walls.

I regressed to wide eyed beast
as child was torn from hip,
body muzzled, reined, and
led from home.

I didn’t stomp my hooves
as smoke slithered fortress walls,
brick collapsed to dust,
glory crumbled to ash.

Inside husband’s skin,
as though it were my own,
I was struck down,
desecrated, traded for gold.

As though strapped to Hector’s chest,
I burned atop his body.

Clay molded as wife and kilned,
I was made a woman of Troy.
I was made for this.

“Andromache” is previously published in They Don’t Make Memories Like That Anymore (2011).

Looking for you

Katrina Kaye

Under the waves,
I burrow

down

down

down,

safe under the weight of sand.

Content here,
holding on to you.
I envelop in cool earth
next to your crumbled bones.

ignorant to the creep of sun,
pulling tide back to
reveal barren beach.

Nothing survives here.

I try to stay entombed
but I am stripped,
exposed,
forced to surface,
to wake,
gasp for air.

The afternoon sun bleaches
bones and burns flesh.

I know you remain
although you hide well
among the waves,

turning in and out
with the swing of moon.

I still dig,
separate the damp sand
with bowed palms

trying to find a soft spot
below the shallow
to cup and curl into you.

“Looking for You” is previously published in The Fall of a Sparrow (2014) and Anvil Tongue (2022).

Scars

Katrina Kaye

One of my students asks me if I used to cut myself.

This is not a usual conversation, but then we do not have a usual relationship. She thinks I saved her life.

I tell her, I did, sometimes, but more often I would muff cigarettes out on my thighs.

She didn’t know I smoked.

“For fifteen years,” I tell her. “But I haven’t done it for over three years now.”

The cigarettes or the burning?

I smile at her. She decides on the answer herself. She’s a smart girl.

You must have started young.

I nod and look at the bracelets covering her wrists. Her long sleeves in the spring time. I wish I had a cigarette now, wish I knew what to say, or what answers would help this girl. There is no manual, no instruction, no class, to truly prepare a teacher for the reality of human connection.

Did they scar?

“I have a few.” I hike up my skirt a bit and show her a constellation of circular scars across my right thigh. “They are all pretty faded,” I assure her.

She nods as I lower my skirt. She is silent.

“Yours will fade too,” I say. I never had a conversation like this before. It is terrifyingly honest. I never had the guts to ask anyone the questions she asks me, but I am so familiar with the look in her eye, with the stutter in her throat, the way she seems to shiver through her skin.

“They will heal. In years, people won’t see them. There are creams to reduce the scarring.”

She asks me what kind and I scrawl a few names on a list for her. She glances at it and shoves it in her pocket.

“Alice,” I say. “I don’t do it anymore.”

I know. She gives me her signature shy smile. I don’t either.

She gives me a hug. She seems like a girl who doesn’t receive a lot of hugs.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

I smile at her although I recognize sadness behind her eyes. I feel empathy swelling behind my own. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She ducks her head, offers a half wave, and slips out the door.

I lean back at my desk, let a hand linger over the scars on upper thigh. I can’t remember the last time I wanted a cigarette so bad.

“Scars” is previously published in Electric Monarch Monthly (2016).