Lifeboat

Katrina Kaye

The first time,

I held death in the salt water of lung
hopeful to be pulled on raft and have
air pressed into chest.

The second time, I pushed
under the water.

I let go knowing full well there was
no point in waiting for a kind hand.

I will not give anyone the
the satisfaction to mourn my death,

not when I can still
keep head above water.

I may have been made
a fool for carrying crosses,
but I earned them.

They keep me afloat.

and these storms leave
such peace in their wake.

“Lifeboat” is previously published in Chasing Rabbits (2012).

Some of Us

Katrina Kaye

On this Saturday night, some of us have
curled our toes in sand, tried to catch flies
with chopsticks, counted stars. Some of us
have found some form of peace,

but we never really learned the fine balance
of precious words on a sober tongue,
or the reprieve offered by sunset
and a breath pulled into lower belly.

Some of us drink faster than others,
some of us have mango bodies that slurp quick fire,
with spread lips to laugh or fang,
erupting throats to sing or scream.

Some of us clean the wax that drools from lips,
chatter like keyboards, unravel our ribbons,
trade jokes with the dead and pluck the frayed pages
of written confessions out of the fire pit.

The last time we were here,
I read Revelations from the Bible
in the hotel nightstand with preacher precision.

I rattled on about the end of the world
in a quick cadence to distant drumbeats
played for strange faces and arched eyebrows.

The past we longed to forget
waits for us to reenact its misdeeds.

The present we longed to ignore
perches on our shoulder blades.

Some of us got drunk, while others
found their way to tightly wrapped
bed and others paced like anxious dogs,
unstoppable, urgent, ready for war and revolution.

The future we hope to avoid
bides time on the other side of tonight.
Some of us may wake up to it in the morning
and forget how we desperate we were for the end of the world.

 

“Drunk in a Hotel Room” is previously published in Dear Booze (2022).

Muse

Katrina Kaye

She returns as shards
of glass in heel
hindering escape.

She takes the breath
from my mouth
and blows it back
in my face.

She makes my
eyes sting.

She whittled words
into my skin
and left me there
to scratch at the scabs
till they scarred
in the shape of tin can,
brown boots, bad luck,

a promise made and then
unwoven like a web
on a cracked window.

I am not sorry
I took her home
that first night.

The way she
enveloped every
part of me,
the way she
recklessed through
my unconscious

filling the empty
inside my chest,
rekindling a spark
that had long
gone to ash.

I know now,
despite the years
since I have felt
fed and full,
she stayed close
waiting for the time
when I was brave
enough to call on
her again.